Stuck in this rhythm of back and forth it would appear I have lost my nerve, lost the very thing that was supposed to be the only thing that set me apart from everyone else. And I always said that I would always be honest and blunt even if it left me alone and now it has and I’m not so sure anymore. Because even though alone is a familiar place it has lost its comfort and I wonder.  I said I didn’t care. I said it to everyone, I thought I was better. And now I have all these people with first impressions that can’t be changed and I walk into crowded rooms and hope they don’t see me the same. Because I care what they think, perhaps too much, and I’ve let it get me down and now I’m just stuck. He called me yesterday asking how have you been, and I said fine even though I wanted to dig in and let him know just how sad he made me. I would have once upon a time, I would have before I lost my nerve.